I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
