Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
