question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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