This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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