It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
