Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
