morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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