I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
