hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
