i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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