I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
