hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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