you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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