It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
