i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
