Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
