You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
