You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
