Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
