I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
