The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize