sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
