dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
