discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
