Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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