He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize