Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
