from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
