I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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