His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
