theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize