I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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