if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize