roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
