Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
