Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
