I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
