I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
