His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
