i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
