There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
