I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
