We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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