Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You need a sexual gate keeper
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
