I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
