he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
