he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
