You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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