Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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