Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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