At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And then my night got REAL pukey
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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