youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
