Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
