I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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