this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
