you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
