dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
