Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
