Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
