This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
