Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
