You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
