i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
