not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
