it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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