I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize