I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
