I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
