Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
