i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
