i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
