Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
