Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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