i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
