I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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