i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
