she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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