saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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